Giving Up Control for Lent

"Let go, let God."

We've all heard that familiar saying, popularized by worship circles, charismatic meetings, and retreats in Christian churches all across America.

What does it mean, really?

I'm setting out to find out this Lenten season.

Instead of worrying about not having a job and how I'm going to make ends meet while I try to pursue my lifelong dream of getting a college degree (which will be challenging enough in it's own right), I'm going to "let go and let God."

I agonized for two weeks prior to Lent about what I was going to give up for the forty days. Last year, I said I was going to give up cursing. I never made it through Ash Wednesday. Up until two weeks ago, I couldn't much see the point of making sacrifices. I mean, haven't I lost enough already? My job, my livelihood is gone and I am still mourning that and feeling more than just a little angry with God at present.

I decided I would give up chocolate since I've done that before and got through it with just a little temptation, nicely resisted. I still felt like I was short-changing Jesus, who didn't lose a job--but rather gave up his life, for me, on the cross.

Jesus said, "Your Father in heaven already knows what you need." He says, "Let today's troubles be sufficient for today."

So, I decided to give up on giving up. I'm going to practice perseverance and stick-to-it-iveness.

This Lent, I'm giving up control. I'm giving my circumstances over to the Lord.

I'm letting go, and letting God.

Memories of Christmas

It's Christmas eve, and my thoughts are taking me down memory lane. Back to the Christmases I spent growing up in Ohio.

I grew up on a tenanted farm and my family was very poor. We were in good company. Nearly all of the other rural renters in the area were at or below the poverty line. Such was the norm in a state that has always suffered from economic instability.

It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized just how rich we really were in our lack of material wealth.

I saw glimpses of it at Christmas. In both receiving and giving.

I can remember with wide-eyed wonder waking up on Christmas morning, and while not getting exactly what I asked Santa for, it was a source of ceaseless wonder to me just how intimately that jolly fat old man knew me. I would get books for Christmas. Mostly, they were used books, but that didn't matter to me. What mattered were the authors and the subjects. Stephen King. Edgar Allen Poe. Tolkien. To me, these were the best presents ever. They were gifts that kept on giving to an overactive childhood imagination that I hope I never outgrow.

The best part of all was the giving. Every year I would get an allowance to spend on buying some little trinkets for the children in my family. One year, I accidentally bought too many gifts and had some leftover presents that would be for a boy, but I had no one to give them to. One week before Christmas, someone from town told my uncle about a family whose father lost his job. They had no Christmas tree, no food and no toys for their two young sons. Everyone in our family came together to bring Christmas to this family, who were worse off than we were. And the two boys had presents from Santa to open on Christmas morning.

We did that a lot. I'm not bragging about it. It's just something that we did.

My uncle had a Santa costume given to him and he enjoyed playing Santa for the children around our country neighborhood. Nowadays, he has gone from playing Santa for the kids to dressing up as Elvis and playing music for the elderly in nursing homes. My uncle likes to make people happy. I am grateful to have been brought up in such compassionate surroundings. It has increased my appreciation for what I have and has instilled in me a desire to share with those who are less fortunate than myself. It is put into practice most efficiently when I am able to give of myself all throughout the year.

This is what Christmas is really all about: A King was born into poverty so that he could eventually ransom himself for all of us poor, miserable souls. God gives us this most precious of all Gifts.

So let us celebrate the joy of giving through all of 2010.

My prayer for you this Christmas and New Year is not original. And it is not new. In fact, it's very, very old:

The LORD bless you and keep you! The LORD let his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you! The LORD look upon you kindly and give you peace!  ~ Numbers 6:24-26

This prayer is most specifically dedicated to my friend (and CRHP sister) Debbie, who has taught me much about the Jewish heritage and tradition that Our Savior lived. 

Fourth Week of Advent

Reading from Today's Mass

The Gospel According to Luke 1:39-45 

Mary set out
and traveled to the hill country in haste
to a town of Judah,
where she entered the house of Zechariah
and greeted Elizabeth.
When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting,
the infant leaped in her womb,
and Elizabeth, filled with the Holy Spirit,
cried out in a loud voice and said,
“Blessed are you among women,
and blessed is the fruit of your womb.
And how does this happen to me,
that the mother of my Lord should come to me?
For at the moment the sound of your greeting reached my ears,
the infant in my womb leaped for joy.
Blessed are you who believed
that what was spoken to you by the Lord
would be fulfilled.”

I'm sorry I missed posting on this blog last weekend. I wasn't feeling all that great and the only blog I posted to was my science fiction one, basically, because I already had it typed up in TextEdit and all I had to do was upload it.

I missed giving a great post to honor Our Lady since the third week of Advent is generally when we do that as Catholics, so I am going to combine this weeks to honor Our Lady and the great anticipation of the coming of Our Lord and Savior. The reading is selected as perfect for thinking about Our Blessed Mother, for it is in this particular scripture that she received the title "Mother of God."

Here are some thoughts about giving this Christmas: God gave us the awesome gift of His Son. Mary gave her obedience by consenting to the will of the Father. And, of course, Jesus gave us the gift of His life on the cross to redeem us.

It is during this final week of Advent that I start feeling the blahs, especially if, as is true this year, I don't have one single card sent out or given. I don't do much on the present front, as I believe Our Lord is the best gift for us all, and also because I just can't afford it. That makes me feel bad. I do try to give whatever I can to the Salvation Army bell-ringers and bless them and their work as well. I try and give a little extra anywhere I can, but I know it is not good enough in these trying times when so many are in need. I encourage any who are reading this to please give of themselves. If you're like me and you can't give a lot of money, give of your time and volunteer.

I am an Extraordinary Minister of Communion at my church and I deliver Jesus to the elderly and sick. They love to see me coming. I'm going to be doing it on Christmas as well, for two of my communicants who have asked me to. I enjoy spending time with people and praying with them and for them. I would recommend this ministry to any Catholics who wish they could do more. It doesn't take much of your time and it is so very rewarding in the smiles and love you get back from beautiful souls who are just happy to have someone to talk to and pray with. I feel blessed a hundred times over every Sunday.

If you aren't Catholic or even if you're not Christian, just spend some time visiting people in nursing homes. They hardly ever get visitors, so you're visit would mean the world to them.

Emmanuel is coming to us! Joy to the World!

Second Week of Advent

First Reading of the Mass for the Second Sunday of Advent

Baruch 5:1-9 

Jerusalem, take off your robe of mourning and misery;
put on the splendor of glory from God forever:
wrapped in the cloak of justice from God,
bear on your head the mitre
that displays the glory of the eternal name.
For God will show all the earth your splendor:
you will be named by God forever
the peace of justice, the glory of God’s worship.

Up, Jerusalem! stand upon the heights;
look to the east and see your children
gathered from the east and the west
at the word of the Holy One,
rejoicing that they are remembered by God.
Led away on foot by their enemies they left you:
but God will bring them back to you
borne aloft in glory as on royal thrones.
For God has commanded
that every lofty mountain be made low,
and that the age-old depths and gorges
be filled to level ground,
that Israel may advance secure in the glory of God.
The forests and every fragrant kind of tree
have overshadowed Israel at God’s command;
for God is leading Israel in joy
by the light of his glory,
with his mercy and justice for company.

Joy to the world. The savior comes.

This reading from the Old Testament is a beautiful description of how exactly we should feel about our God and our thankfulness for what he has done for us. We should all be singing: "Joyful! Joyful! We adore thee!"

Our God has made us glad indeed.

He has clothed us in splendor and has taken away our mourning garments by sending us His son to walk among us. To die for us. To teach us how to walk in love and righteousness. To carry our sins on His back and consent to be nailed with them to the cross.

That journey began, not on the Via Dolorosa, but in a stable, in the humble little town of Bethlehem Ephrata. Where God came down and touched the earth with Love. Where the Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.

Is this not what we mean when we refer to "Joy" at Christmastime?

If not, it ought to be.

I don't think we can stress it enough. Jesus is the reason for the season.

Not Nintendo, Wii or Playstations. Not new computers, jewelry or iPods.

Jesus.

Jesus = Joy.

It's that simple.

May you experience the Joy of Jesus this Christmas season.


My Prayer for the Second Week of Advent:

Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, ever faithful to your promises and ever close to your Church: the earth rejoices in hope of the Savior's coming and looks forward with longing to his return at the end of time. Prepare our hearts and remove the sadness that hinders us from feeling the joy and hope which his presence will bestow, for he is Lord for ever and ever. Amen. 

First Sunday of Advent

First Reading from Today's Mass:  
Jeremiah 33:14-16

The days are coming, says the LORD,
when I will fulfill the promise
I made to the house of Israel and Judah.
In those days, in that time,
I will raise up for David a just shoot ;
he shall do what is right and just in the land.
In those days Judah shall be safe
and Jerusalem shall dwell secure;
this is what they shall call her:
“The LORD our justice.”

  
Today is the day when we begin reflecting on that promise, so soon to be fulfilled in the coming of Our Savior at Christmas.

Advent is a time of waiting.

We are reminded that He has come and that He is coming again. With every Bible reading at every Mass through this holy time we are commanded to "Watch and wait and pray..."

We sing of His coming in "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," a song that always brings tears to my eyes.

We hear of His coming in the Word. Today's first reading and the Gospel compel us to "Watch and be ready for the Lord" for He is near. He came for us. To live for us. To die for us. God became a human being. What an awesome paradox!  What a wonderful mystery!

I always refer to the time of Advent as my "bittersweet" time. I am given much to weeping and sorrow, but also to joy. The tears and weeping occur because I look at the world and the evil therein and say "God, how could you have done this? How could you become one of us and suffer for us when we still haven't gotten it?" The joy comes when I consider all of the good I see out there in the world. There is much good in the world, many who have gotten the message.

I pray that there would be more people this year that are drawn by the beauty of this "bittersweet" sacrifice of our God.

Here is a wonderful Advent prayer from the Catholic Online site. This will be my personal prayer for this first week of Advent. I am hoping to do a post on each week of Advent, with mass readings and prayers.

My Prayer for the First Week of Advent:

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a wonder at the wisdom and power of Your Father and ours. Receive my prayer as part of my service of the Lord who enlists me in God's own work for justice.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a hunger for peace: peace in the world, peace in my home, peace in myself.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a joy responsive to the Father's joy. I seek His will so I can serve with gladness, singing and love.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me the joy and love and peace it is right to bring to the manger of my Lord. Raise in me, too, sober reverence for the God who acted there, hearty gratitude for the life begun there, and spirited resolution to serve the Father and Son.

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, whose advent I hail. Amen.

Come, Emmanuel, come! 

What I'm Thankful For

It's Thanksgiving day.

Time for family, food and football.

Time to meditate on our blessings and thank God for all that He has provided for us over the past year.

I wonder how many people really take the time out on this busy day to do just that. We need to. I'm going to take the lead and list out ten things I'm thankful for this year.

1. Jesus. My lover and my spouse. I know I should always put You first, yet, You still love me when I don't. I know You have great things in store for me, and I can't wait to walk the path as it unfolds. 
2. I have a good job. Not too many people can say that this year. I praise God for mine. 
3. Economic Stability. Money has been tight for me, but it could be worse and I thank You, Jesus, that I'm getting by. 
4. My friends. They keep me shored up by their prayers and intercede for me daily, I know. 
5. My health. It has not been that good this year. I've had a procedure on my right eye (a cryopexy to treat a blood-vessel tumor) and a mysterious illness that seems to be getting worse involving intense cramping in my feet and legs, lethargy and migraines. Will see rheumatologists and neurologists in the future to try and get diagnosed. Still, I can walk and talk and breathe. Praise the Lord!
6.  My gifts. My writing and speaking abilities have served Him in the past year in remarkable ways. He has used my skills to work miracles and has let me see it. I am doubly blessed. He is probably less than thrilled about my fiction writing, but I try not to go out on too far of a limb there. A time may come when He leads me to work only for His Kingdom. If that's what He wants from me, He'll get it. I learned long ago that my arms are just too short to box with Him.
7. My faith. As a convert, I have a profound love for my Catholic faith and sometimes suffer persecutions for it. I try to suffer them as Jesus did, as a lamb led to the slaughter, silent and always praying for my enemies. My faith is the foundation of my life. There was a time when I didn't believe in God and I honestly don't know how I made it out of that deep well of despair, but I'm glad I did.
8. My family. Scattered and dysfunctional as we are, I recognize that they shaped me into what I am today and I'm grateful for their presence in my life.  
9. My saints. My intercessors and protectors who have watched over me this past year and have saved my life a few times by keeping me from bad car accidents (narrowly missed serious crashes at least twice that I know of). St. Michael the Archangel, for lessons in spiritual warfare. St. John of the Cross for teaching me self-emptying love of God and neighbor. St. Therese of Lisieux for showing me the "Little Way" to God by the virtue of humility. 
10. The Little Miracles. I am eternally grateful that God has opened my eyes to the wonders of His world. I always have appreciated weather and nature. I love them all the more dearly now since I am able to see His hand in all things. Even the tragic. I had a non-believer friend ask me, "How can you believe in God, after seeing the death and destruction an EF5 tornado does?" My answer was this: "God's purpose is not clear. I do know I've seen people who were once enemies reconciled and complete strangers helping one another. But, I've also seen people come apart. I don't know. I'm just hopeful that one day it will all make sense." Sure, God brings the tornadoes and hurricanes. I believe He also brings the rainbow, the cool breeze on a hot day and a much-needed rain on dry lands. I always try to look for the Little Miracles in everyday life. They are everywhere, for anyone who wants to see them. Just open your eyes and look around you.

My prayer for all of you reading this is that this Thanksgiving Day you will examine your lives from this past year and reflect on some of the ways the Lord  has blessed you. You may not be able to find ten of them, but I'd be willing to bet that you have many blessings that perhaps you are not even aware of.

Ask God to reveal them to you.

And then thank Him for them.

May God continue to bless you in the coming year.

Todo y Nada - All and Nothing: The Spiritual Genius of St. John of the Cross

"To reach satisfaction in all, desire satisfaction in nothing. To come to possess all, desire the possession of nothing. To arrive at being all, desire to be nothing. To come to the knowledge of all, desire the knowledge of nothing. To come to enjoy what you have not, you must go by a way in which you enjoy not. To come to the knowledge you have not, you must go by a way in which you know not. To come to the possession you have not, you must go by a way in which you possess not. To come to be what you are not, you must go by a way in which you are not."

St. John of the Cross, "The Ascent of Mount Carmel"

This has become one of my favorite teachings of the Doctor of Love. Short and sweet, this excerpt and indeed, all of The Ascent, is about continual self-emptying.

I had difficulty reading The Ascent when I first took it up to study it. Deep, spiritual teachings most often go over my head. I read two chapters and put it down in frustration. Several weeks later, I picked it up again one Friday after coming home from work, determined to begin afresh with it.

Something strange happened. I could not put the book down. I finished reading it that weekend.

Something clicked and suddenly I found myself trembling and sobbing uncontrollably.

It was then I discovered the meaning of the teaching. This is part and parcel of the "treasure" that lies hidden in the field. John knew it, lived it, and wrote about it so that we, too, might share this great wisdom.

Love does indeed conquer all. Self-emptying is the way to attain that all-conquering love.

Poor St. John was rejected by his own brothers in the monastery, even imprisoned and scourged by them. He bore it all with patience and love. Sound familiar?

Out of that pain, in that small, dark, damp prison cell, he wrote some of his most beautiful poetry and he wrote another one of his classics: Dark Night of the Soul.

I have a hard time explaining the way St. John's writings make me feel. Read the examples of my own poetry that I post on this blog. Almost all of the spiritual poetry I write, my love songs to Jesus (particularly my Draw Me series of poems), are based on what this great Doctor of the Church has taught me.

Christ is love. The job of someone who desires sainthood (and that should be all of us, though we are all sinners, myself chief among them) is to become Love. To become Christ. St. John of the Cross became Jesus in his suffering and persecutions and he left behind a legacy in his writings to point the way, step-by-step, on how to do it. This is what God whats. This is how we become made in His image and likeness.

St. Paul says in Phillipians 2:5-8 -

Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

St. John lived this.

So must we.

Prayer for Writers: St. Frances de Sales

May the Lord guide me and all those who write for a living. Through your prayers, St. Frances de Sales, I ask for your intercession as I attempt to bring the written word to the world. Let us pray that God takes me in the palm of His hand and inspires my creativity and inspires my success. St. Francis de Sales, you understand the dedication required in this profession. Pray for God to inspire and allow ideas to flow. In His name, let my words reflect my faith for others to read. Amen.

I would like to note that I am not the author of this prayer. I found it on a Catholic web site a short time ago and have wanted to post it here since I began this blog.

St. Frances de Sales is the patron saint of writers. His "Introduction to the Devout Life" is a spiritual classic and a primer on how to become a saint.

For My Mother: A Prayer on All Souls Day

My mother was born in a small town in South Central Ohio. She lived a difficult life.

She lost her father to tuberculosis when she was still a toddler, shortly after her younger sister was born. Her mother and grandmother struggled to raise the two girls.

As a result of not having the strong, loving influence of her father in her life, she made all the wrong choices when it came to men. The first of which was my father.

She left my father and divorced him when I was fourteen. She moved to St. Petersburg, Florida. I would fly down to reunite with her several months before my 21st birthday. I would move out on my own a year later, making my own bad relationship choices. A few years later, my mother moved with her boyfriend to Ft. Worth, Texas.

One day, my mother telephoned me to say she had kidney problems and was on dialysis.

Eventually, I found myself in a new and better relationship and a few years later, my mother and her boyfriend flew back to Florida to attend my wedding.

The wedding was perfect. I was a little concerned, however, that my mother seemed so tired after receiving her dialysis treatment that week, and when we took her to Tampa International Airport to board her flight back to Fort Worth, I cried. I knew deep down it was because my mother, who loved Florida so much, would never set foot on its sandy soil again. I don't know how I knew. I just did.

My intuition turned out to be unhappily correct. My mother passed away on November 2nd, 1999. My husband, who was Catholic (although he did not practice his faith very much) explained the significance of this day. Since I've become a Catholic myself recently, I understand it a bit more.

Today is All Souls Day, the day that we pray for those we have loved (family and friends) who have passed away and for all of the souls in Purgatory who are being cleansed of their venial sins. When they have been thus "purged", they will enter into Heaven. The Church has placed this day following the Feast of All Saints, which focuses on remembering those who are already enjoying the Beatific Vision.

Because my mother left this Earth on All Souls Day, I feel even more inclined to remember to pray for her on this day. I also pray for my husband, who died from liver disease a little more than a year after my mother.

I try to remember to say vocal (spontaneous) prayers on this day for all of the people I have known who have passed away. I found the following prayer online when I was researching for this blog. It is a traditional prayer of the Church that is said on All Souls Day:

"Eternal Rest grant unto them (him/her), O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them (him/her). May they (he/she) rest in peace. Amen."

I'll end with one of my favorite prayers for souls. Many Catholics end their rosary with this one:

"May the divine assistance remain always with us. And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen."

I still miss you, Mama.