First Sunday of Advent

First Reading from Today's Mass:  
Jeremiah 33:14-16

The days are coming, says the LORD,
when I will fulfill the promise
I made to the house of Israel and Judah.
In those days, in that time,
I will raise up for David a just shoot ;
he shall do what is right and just in the land.
In those days Judah shall be safe
and Jerusalem shall dwell secure;
this is what they shall call her:
“The LORD our justice.”

  
Today is the day when we begin reflecting on that promise, so soon to be fulfilled in the coming of Our Savior at Christmas.

Advent is a time of waiting.

We are reminded that He has come and that He is coming again. With every Bible reading at every Mass through this holy time we are commanded to "Watch and wait and pray..."

We sing of His coming in "O Come, O Come Emmanuel," a song that always brings tears to my eyes.

We hear of His coming in the Word. Today's first reading and the Gospel compel us to "Watch and be ready for the Lord" for He is near. He came for us. To live for us. To die for us. God became a human being. What an awesome paradox!  What a wonderful mystery!

I always refer to the time of Advent as my "bittersweet" time. I am given much to weeping and sorrow, but also to joy. The tears and weeping occur because I look at the world and the evil therein and say "God, how could you have done this? How could you become one of us and suffer for us when we still haven't gotten it?" The joy comes when I consider all of the good I see out there in the world. There is much good in the world, many who have gotten the message.

I pray that there would be more people this year that are drawn by the beauty of this "bittersweet" sacrifice of our God.

Here is a wonderful Advent prayer from the Catholic Online site. This will be my personal prayer for this first week of Advent. I am hoping to do a post on each week of Advent, with mass readings and prayers.

My Prayer for the First Week of Advent:

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a wonder at the wisdom and power of Your Father and ours. Receive my prayer as part of my service of the Lord who enlists me in God's own work for justice.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a hunger for peace: peace in the world, peace in my home, peace in myself.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me a joy responsive to the Father's joy. I seek His will so I can serve with gladness, singing and love.

Come, long-expected Jesus. Excite in me the joy and love and peace it is right to bring to the manger of my Lord. Raise in me, too, sober reverence for the God who acted there, hearty gratitude for the life begun there, and spirited resolution to serve the Father and Son.

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, whose advent I hail. Amen.

Come, Emmanuel, come! 

What I'm Thankful For

It's Thanksgiving day.

Time for family, food and football.

Time to meditate on our blessings and thank God for all that He has provided for us over the past year.

I wonder how many people really take the time out on this busy day to do just that. We need to. I'm going to take the lead and list out ten things I'm thankful for this year.

1. Jesus. My lover and my spouse. I know I should always put You first, yet, You still love me when I don't. I know You have great things in store for me, and I can't wait to walk the path as it unfolds. 
2. I have a good job. Not too many people can say that this year. I praise God for mine. 
3. Economic Stability. Money has been tight for me, but it could be worse and I thank You, Jesus, that I'm getting by. 
4. My friends. They keep me shored up by their prayers and intercede for me daily, I know. 
5. My health. It has not been that good this year. I've had a procedure on my right eye (a cryopexy to treat a blood-vessel tumor) and a mysterious illness that seems to be getting worse involving intense cramping in my feet and legs, lethargy and migraines. Will see rheumatologists and neurologists in the future to try and get diagnosed. Still, I can walk and talk and breathe. Praise the Lord!
6.  My gifts. My writing and speaking abilities have served Him in the past year in remarkable ways. He has used my skills to work miracles and has let me see it. I am doubly blessed. He is probably less than thrilled about my fiction writing, but I try not to go out on too far of a limb there. A time may come when He leads me to work only for His Kingdom. If that's what He wants from me, He'll get it. I learned long ago that my arms are just too short to box with Him.
7. My faith. As a convert, I have a profound love for my Catholic faith and sometimes suffer persecutions for it. I try to suffer them as Jesus did, as a lamb led to the slaughter, silent and always praying for my enemies. My faith is the foundation of my life. There was a time when I didn't believe in God and I honestly don't know how I made it out of that deep well of despair, but I'm glad I did.
8. My family. Scattered and dysfunctional as we are, I recognize that they shaped me into what I am today and I'm grateful for their presence in my life.  
9. My saints. My intercessors and protectors who have watched over me this past year and have saved my life a few times by keeping me from bad car accidents (narrowly missed serious crashes at least twice that I know of). St. Michael the Archangel, for lessons in spiritual warfare. St. John of the Cross for teaching me self-emptying love of God and neighbor. St. Therese of Lisieux for showing me the "Little Way" to God by the virtue of humility. 
10. The Little Miracles. I am eternally grateful that God has opened my eyes to the wonders of His world. I always have appreciated weather and nature. I love them all the more dearly now since I am able to see His hand in all things. Even the tragic. I had a non-believer friend ask me, "How can you believe in God, after seeing the death and destruction an EF5 tornado does?" My answer was this: "God's purpose is not clear. I do know I've seen people who were once enemies reconciled and complete strangers helping one another. But, I've also seen people come apart. I don't know. I'm just hopeful that one day it will all make sense." Sure, God brings the tornadoes and hurricanes. I believe He also brings the rainbow, the cool breeze on a hot day and a much-needed rain on dry lands. I always try to look for the Little Miracles in everyday life. They are everywhere, for anyone who wants to see them. Just open your eyes and look around you.

My prayer for all of you reading this is that this Thanksgiving Day you will examine your lives from this past year and reflect on some of the ways the Lord  has blessed you. You may not be able to find ten of them, but I'd be willing to bet that you have many blessings that perhaps you are not even aware of.

Ask God to reveal them to you.

And then thank Him for them.

May God continue to bless you in the coming year.

Hard Lessons Learned While Growing Up

There are definitely monsters under the bed
and in the closet. But, they are terrified of grown-ups.
If you see one, call a grown-up immediately.

When you are sick, learn the art of waiting.
I know it's hard to stay still with that thermometer in your
mouth for so long, but, believe me,
the alternative is worse.

Bumblebees, though brightly-colored and pretty,
do not like to be petted. If you insist, they will make
you go “Ouch” and you will cry. A lot.

Cats are not dogs. They do not like to be picked up
and forced to sit on your lap. They will not allow it, actually.

Mommy and Daddy can not be with you all of the time.
Either learn to get yourself out of jams or do not
get yourself in them in the first place.

God is bigger than the bogeyman. And a lot nicer.
So remember to say your prayers at night, every night of your life.

You can't be everything to everyone.
You can only be the best 'you' that you can be
for whoever needs you at the moment.

Not everyone you meet will be nice to you.
Someone will call you names.
Don't retaliate. They are probably hurting inside.
Someone will break your heart.
Don't stop loving people. Instead, love them more.
Someone will betray your trust.
Keep on trusting, but be smart about it.
Eventually, someone else will earn your trust again.

Scraped elbows, skinned knees,
cut fingertips and stubbed toes,
heal more quickly than
bruised egos, wounded pride,
and broken hearts,
and they hurt a whole lot less.

Someone you love will leave you. Forever.
Let your grief wash over you for a time, then, carry
your memories like a light inside you and they will
make you happy when nothing else can.

It's okay to fail. Wisdom is born from failures.
It's not okay not to try.

Eventually, you will get older, frailer, sicker.
There is nothing you can do about it.
Eventually, God will call you to come home.
This doesn't have to be scary.

There are many other things I'd like to tell you,
many other lessons you will learn.
These will be your lessons, unique to you.
Trust your instincts. Follow your heart.

And when you have learned something useful,
pass your knowledge along
to someone else who needs it
as they walk on the road to wisdom.

For the road is long
and we only stop learning
when we reach the end of it.

For Love of "Todo y Nada"

(in honor of my Carmelite patron, San Juan de la Cruz)

You are my all.
You are my everything.
All that I am
I owe to You alone.
I am nothing
unless my being resides fully in You.

Bring me to nothing in myself
but to everything in You.
Teach me to know nothing of myself
unless it is through You and
in knowing You.

Because in You I live
and move
and have my being.

in You alone, O God.


8/19/08

Todo y Nada - All and Nothing: The Spiritual Genius of St. John of the Cross

"To reach satisfaction in all, desire satisfaction in nothing. To come to possess all, desire the possession of nothing. To arrive at being all, desire to be nothing. To come to the knowledge of all, desire the knowledge of nothing. To come to enjoy what you have not, you must go by a way in which you enjoy not. To come to the knowledge you have not, you must go by a way in which you know not. To come to the possession you have not, you must go by a way in which you possess not. To come to be what you are not, you must go by a way in which you are not."

St. John of the Cross, "The Ascent of Mount Carmel"

This has become one of my favorite teachings of the Doctor of Love. Short and sweet, this excerpt and indeed, all of The Ascent, is about continual self-emptying.

I had difficulty reading The Ascent when I first took it up to study it. Deep, spiritual teachings most often go over my head. I read two chapters and put it down in frustration. Several weeks later, I picked it up again one Friday after coming home from work, determined to begin afresh with it.

Something strange happened. I could not put the book down. I finished reading it that weekend.

Something clicked and suddenly I found myself trembling and sobbing uncontrollably.

It was then I discovered the meaning of the teaching. This is part and parcel of the "treasure" that lies hidden in the field. John knew it, lived it, and wrote about it so that we, too, might share this great wisdom.

Love does indeed conquer all. Self-emptying is the way to attain that all-conquering love.

Poor St. John was rejected by his own brothers in the monastery, even imprisoned and scourged by them. He bore it all with patience and love. Sound familiar?

Out of that pain, in that small, dark, damp prison cell, he wrote some of his most beautiful poetry and he wrote another one of his classics: Dark Night of the Soul.

I have a hard time explaining the way St. John's writings make me feel. Read the examples of my own poetry that I post on this blog. Almost all of the spiritual poetry I write, my love songs to Jesus (particularly my Draw Me series of poems), are based on what this great Doctor of the Church has taught me.

Christ is love. The job of someone who desires sainthood (and that should be all of us, though we are all sinners, myself chief among them) is to become Love. To become Christ. St. John of the Cross became Jesus in his suffering and persecutions and he left behind a legacy in his writings to point the way, step-by-step, on how to do it. This is what God whats. This is how we become made in His image and likeness.

St. Paul says in Phillipians 2:5-8 -

Have among yourselves the same attitude that is also yours in Christ Jesus, Who, though he was in the form of God, did not regard equality with God something to be grasped. Rather, he emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, coming in human likeness; and found human in appearance, he humbled himself, becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

St. John lived this.

So must we.

Prayer for Writers: St. Frances de Sales

May the Lord guide me and all those who write for a living. Through your prayers, St. Frances de Sales, I ask for your intercession as I attempt to bring the written word to the world. Let us pray that God takes me in the palm of His hand and inspires my creativity and inspires my success. St. Francis de Sales, you understand the dedication required in this profession. Pray for God to inspire and allow ideas to flow. In His name, let my words reflect my faith for others to read. Amen.

I would like to note that I am not the author of this prayer. I found it on a Catholic web site a short time ago and have wanted to post it here since I began this blog.

St. Frances de Sales is the patron saint of writers. His "Introduction to the Devout Life" is a spiritual classic and a primer on how to become a saint.

Draw Me #3: Past Tense

now that You have drawn me
so close to You that my breath
is no longer mine but Your
breath which gives me Life
as it did from the first moment
of my life.

now that You have drawn me
into Your loving arms to still me:
still my fears, still my breaking
waves of tears with kisses
that brush my soul with rainbows
and drench me with dew.

8/19/08

dying the first time (draw me #2)

close to me-
You draw near me,
drawing me
close to you.

teaching me,
all that you know;
of suffering pain,
and scorn.

i want to die
the most painful death-
which is the first death:
to myself.

then when i die ‘en corpus’
as St. John said,
“the second death
will harm me not.”

for that is when You
will draw me...
into Life.

8/19/08

Captive (Draw Me #1)

I am held firm
I can not break free
You have wounded me
through and through
and have left me in
the dust, still captive

You flood me in my
cavern, overflowing
the cistern so deep and
so used to being full that
the pain is great upon its
being emptied and filled again
with new water

Such wonderful torment!

I become insensible
to the world that
surrounds me with
so much noise like thunder
rattling in the air
going nowhere
going nowhere

Since You have wounded me
in this capture
will You not now release me?
Since I now can’t leave You
take me to Your garden
and let me rest there forever
in Your arms for I am wholly Yours

Such sweet captivity!

Take me to Your garden
though it be a desert
and I will live there forever
belonging only to You
I’ll be a jar made of clay
made to be emptied

and filled again.

8/17/08

For My Mother: A Prayer on All Souls Day

My mother was born in a small town in South Central Ohio. She lived a difficult life.

She lost her father to tuberculosis when she was still a toddler, shortly after her younger sister was born. Her mother and grandmother struggled to raise the two girls.

As a result of not having the strong, loving influence of her father in her life, she made all the wrong choices when it came to men. The first of which was my father.

She left my father and divorced him when I was fourteen. She moved to St. Petersburg, Florida. I would fly down to reunite with her several months before my 21st birthday. I would move out on my own a year later, making my own bad relationship choices. A few years later, my mother moved with her boyfriend to Ft. Worth, Texas.

One day, my mother telephoned me to say she had kidney problems and was on dialysis.

Eventually, I found myself in a new and better relationship and a few years later, my mother and her boyfriend flew back to Florida to attend my wedding.

The wedding was perfect. I was a little concerned, however, that my mother seemed so tired after receiving her dialysis treatment that week, and when we took her to Tampa International Airport to board her flight back to Fort Worth, I cried. I knew deep down it was because my mother, who loved Florida so much, would never set foot on its sandy soil again. I don't know how I knew. I just did.

My intuition turned out to be unhappily correct. My mother passed away on November 2nd, 1999. My husband, who was Catholic (although he did not practice his faith very much) explained the significance of this day. Since I've become a Catholic myself recently, I understand it a bit more.

Today is All Souls Day, the day that we pray for those we have loved (family and friends) who have passed away and for all of the souls in Purgatory who are being cleansed of their venial sins. When they have been thus "purged", they will enter into Heaven. The Church has placed this day following the Feast of All Saints, which focuses on remembering those who are already enjoying the Beatific Vision.

Because my mother left this Earth on All Souls Day, I feel even more inclined to remember to pray for her on this day. I also pray for my husband, who died from liver disease a little more than a year after my mother.

I try to remember to say vocal (spontaneous) prayers on this day for all of the people I have known who have passed away. I found the following prayer online when I was researching for this blog. It is a traditional prayer of the Church that is said on All Souls Day:

"Eternal Rest grant unto them (him/her), O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon them (him/her). May they (he/she) rest in peace. Amen."

I'll end with one of my favorite prayers for souls. Many Catholics end their rosary with this one:

"May the divine assistance remain always with us. And may the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen."

I still miss you, Mama.

A Newbie to Blogging

Well. Now, I've gone and done it. I've joined this whole blogging scene and somehow I don't think my life will ever be the same.

I don't really have a topic for this first blog, other than to say: "Welcome to my crazy mixed up life!"

Here I will attempt to write about the things that interest me: writing and reading, Science Fiction and Fantasy, my faith walk with Jesus Christ, weather, and how these elements combine (like the weather) or sometimes contrast to create the unique amalgamation that is myself.

It won't always be perfect. Perfection is something I've yet to attain, in any area of my life. But I can promise you it will be different.

If you don't find it entertaining, or if you find my religious views offensive, you don't have to stay. I won't fight with anyone, so you'd be wasting your time and keystrokes flaming me about anything you read on here.

Critiques of the work I post here are gladly accepted and considered. Let me know if you like something, if you don't or if there would be anything you would change to my material. Tactful suggestions are greatly appreciated.

That said, welcome to my blog. Hope you like it.